Mothers Day and Eating disorders

What do Mother’s Day and eating disorders have to do with eachother? 

I often get the question “what was your turning point” , as far as my anorexia treatment was concerned. My Mom and Dad had tried it all. Inpatient hospitalization, residential treatment, and therapy with a Psychiatrist. I VIVIDLY remember sitting with the Psychiatrist and not saying 1 word- not. one. word.  The entire session I just sat there, annoyed that I had to be there, and didn’t say a thing. 

It was only when a Family Medicine/OBGYN doctor ,  Dr. Shields, sat and talked with me that there was some light at the end of tunnel.  He was so patient, because I was quite a handful!    At 12 years old, the last thing on my mind was having kids. I remember him asking me if I thought pregnant ladies were fat and I said YES. That is so crazy to me now.  But the biggest reality check(slap in the face) was when he told me that if I didn’t get my eating disorder under control there was a good possibility I would never be able to have children.

My puberty was delayed because of my low body weight, so all the normal hormonal signals that are usually going on at 12 years and beyond were not happening to me.  I was never that kid that dreamed of the fairy tale wedding, white picket fence and a house full of babies.BUT…. I have always had an issue with control and I suppose I just didn’t want the choice to have kids taken away. I wanted to maintain that as an option(at that age of course I didn’t realize that there were a whole lot of women that wanted kids but couldn’t have them), and have always felt like that choice of possibly having kids when I grew up was more of a motivator to get healthy than ANYTHING else anyone had ever said to me. 

Fast forward to when my husband and I decided we did want to start a family, and my body still did not cooperate. That crucial time in my life when I should have been “developing” I was starving myself instead. That disruption early on to my HPA Axis lead me to a Reproductive Endocrinologist.  

We were very fortunate to be able to have our daughter, and I credit that to Dr. Shields. Had he not given me exactly what I needed to hear at that time, who knows how much longer I would have suffered and how empty our lives would be now without our kiddo.

So, on this Mother’s Day weekend, I am expressing gratitude to just the thought of having children, which potentially saved my life.