Emotional Eating is a GOOD thing???

Yes, I just said that. I was having a conversation with a friend/client today and this topic came up, and prompted me to write about it in a bit more detail because it is such a hot button topic. Personally I have struggled with the push/pull of this terminology for a long time. I felt guilty when I would get excited about eating something that brought back good memories if it was unhealthy. I told myself that food was just fuel and that how it tasted really didn't matter. Once I let go of that fear and realized the 2 things can co-exist in a healthy way I felt freedom. It' s amazing how when you tell yourself you CAN'T have something you really want it, but if it's not off limits it's no big deal. 

I hear so many people say "I just can't give up xyz because I am an emotional eater", or "I wish I could eat like you, but I am an emotional eater". First things first- YOU are not an emotional eater(it's not your identity), you might eat when you are emotional, but if you can take a second to detach yourself from a label and realize you are a human being having an emotional experience then you can shed all the guilt and shame that seem to come along for the ride.

I think of emotional eating in 2 ways

1. When you are eating a specific food , it brings back memories or makes you feel certain emotions.

2. When you are feeling certain emotions and eat in order to numb out from those feelings ,you are trying to stuff the emotions down with food so you don't have to express them or are trying to fill a void with food. 

#1 above is why I say that emotional eating is a good thing. In our functional medicine training we are taught that food is: connection, energy, information and fuel. All true. However food is also memories, laughter, celebration and joy. AND THAT IS NOT A BAD THING. 

For centuries food has been used as ceremony and celebration. Food is a part of who we are and where we came from culturally.

• Birthdays
• Holidays
• Weddings
• Funerals
• Religious ceremonies

"On an individual level, we grow up eating the food of our cultures. It becomes a part of who each of us are. Many of us associate food from our childhood with warm feelings and good memories and it ties us to our families, holding a special and personal value for us."

One friend I spoke with was telling me that they got to eat Pop Tarts on Christmas morning and she has such happy memories around those Pop Tarts. A coworker I was talking to a few weeks ago was telling me about some of the foods her Mom used to make her and the smile on her face was enough to tell me that she was having "an emotional reaction" to the memory of those foods.

Personally, I have a lot of happy memories associated with food growing up.  We generally ate cereal for breakfast but on the rare occasion when my Mom had time we would wake up to the smell of her blueberry muffins, and that was such a treat. My Mom also made the best chocolate chip cookies(ok, maybe my aunt Pat did because she put walnuts in them, sorry Mom) and imagine my surprise that Mom baked those because the ingredients were cheap and we didn't have a lot of money. Those baked goods were symbols of love and warmth in our house. When I married into an Italian family I really started to learn about food as love and the cultural significance of food. 

There is so much shame around emotional eating and I think that most people are referring to #2 above when they start down that shame spiral. You can't separate emotion from food, and I wouldn't want to. I cherish the memories I have baking with my Mom and have carried that down to my daughter. I went to see family last weekend for the first time in 2 years and you had better believe there was a batch of our family's famous marble brownies there. Nothing healthy about those, but they are at every family gathering. It's almost a joke now, but they show up(usually courtesy of my sister!) every time.  Eating these foods occasionally, at times of celebration(If you don't have any food allergies/sensitivities to them) is NOT a cause for alarm.  You are not out of control. You are not weak. You do not lack willpower. You are having an emotional experience with food, and that's OK.

When we should start looking at emotional eating as a negative would be more like what I would call stress eating. Eating to numb out or fill up. The food is acting as a substitute for a basic need that is not being met. Are you lonely, tired, angry, bored?  Are you procrastinating or avoiding a difficult conversation? Do you really need some downtime or some physical affection? We are at our best when all of our basic needs are being met- but in this world today, I bet there are not a lot of people who can say these are ALL being met at any one time. 

Maslow's hierarchy of needs is a motivational theory in psychology comprising a five-tier model of human needs, often depicted as hierarchical levels within a pyramid. From the bottom of the hierarchy upwards, the needs are: physiological (food and clothing), safety (job security), love and belonging needs (friendship), esteem, and self-actualization.

There are many ways to deal with stress eating, one being HRV(heart rate variability) training. I am currently working on creating a program using HeartMath technology(in addition to coaching)to help women improve their stress resilience and stop the shame spiral. Let me know if you want to be on the wait list for this beta test program and I will keep you in the loop!

So, EMOTIONAL EATING is not a bad thing. It's OK to have emotions around food. To get excited when you get to have a food you haven't had since the last time your family got together. To enjoy eating Pop Tarts on Christmas morning because it brings you back to your childhood and makes your heart happy. 

If you are fearful of being exposed to certain foods, or feel guilty for allowing food and emotions to coexist, maybe you can look at it like my friend did. Regarding being fearful around foods she said "if I feel isolated and separated from family, it's not serving my higher purpose".  Can you allow emotions and food at the table together? Can you learn to FEEL your emotions, the good and the bad, instead of trying to fill that void with food? YES YOU CAN. I can help show you how.