My Secret Addiction

Last weekend I went to visit a friend who I had not seen in over 25 years. She and I had reconnected about 3-4 years ago and had been in contact through emails, texts and phone calls before I hopped a plane and went to see her in NY. 

She and I lead very different lives. She lives on a farm, does a lot of hiking and loves the outdoors. She doesn't live by a watch, she doesn't stress out about the dog coming in with muddy paws and she just exudes calmness and peace.

We spent 2 and a half days together and I was out of my comfort zone for the majority of the weekend. We started each morning chatting and drinking coffee and not looking at the clock. Our itinerary wasn't set in stone. We didn't rush at all in the whole time I was there. It was total and complete peace.

And it made me uncomfortable.

I was getting antsy toward the end of our visit. I couldn't put my finger on it but finally had a HUGE A-HA. I am addicted to STRESS. I am addicted to DOING. 

You literally can be addicted to the chemicals released from stress, and it's clear that I am. 

"And stress may even be as addictive as drugs. In addition to the hormones adrenaline and noradrenaline, stress also releases dopamine, a “feel good” chemical. Dopamine encourages repeat behaviors by activating the reward center in our brain and may be at the heart of many addictive behaviors and substance abuse issues."

WOW.... I knew that I pretty much came out of the womb in fight or flight. I don't know how to relax and have no idea what even brings me joy anymore. This is all  a result of an imbalanced nervous system stuck in overdrive and the overdose of stress chemicals. Just like a drug addict or alcoholic needs more and more to get the same "high" after a while, it's the same with stress.

This is why I was feeling uncomfortable with my friend by the end of our visit. Sure, I have been on vacation before, but have never experienced this type of "withdrawal" from my stress chemicals. Being around her and the lack of urgency in her life, I realized there IS another way to live.

And I don't want to live like this anymore.

"One of the challenges in stress management is fighting our tendency to be pulled back into the rush. It’s important that we recognize the significance of what a stress imbalance does to our system, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually."

I am embarking on a journey to balance my nervous system and my neurotransmitters. I CHOOSE not to live addicted to stress anymore. This is not going to be easy, but it's a challenge I am willing to take.

I am so grateful for that 2 and 1/2 days with my friend. It showed my what I pretty much knew, but this hit me like a ton of bricks. I guess I was finally ready. I am finally ready.

Are you addicted to stress??